"Taught never to retreat, never to surrender."

Every decade seemed to usher in the next generation of butt-kickers. From Douglas Fairbanks in the silent era to Bogart and Cagney, even the black and whites had their fair share. Newman, Bronson, McQueen and Eastwood brought their own style of grit to the 60’s and 70’s. My generation marveled at the unapologetic might of Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Van Damme, Segal and Willis.

What the f**k happened?

There were no internal conflicts involving the life consuming consequences of revenge versus the sublime and self-healing qualities found with forgiveness. Their motives were simple. Their solutions… direct. “You tried to kill me, I’ll kill you.”
“You killed my partner, I’ll kill you.”
“You kidnapped my family, I’ll kill you.”
“You killed my family, I’ll kill you.”
“You’re holding the whole world for ransom… I will f**k you up, interfere with your evil plans, then kill you.”

Sometime during the late nineties, the concept of the action hero changed. The gladiators of old had been replaced by troubled souls in search of redemption. It added a little more depth to the characters, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. The new millennium, however, saw something far more grotesque. Our champions had evolved into soft little boys who sparkle while others devolved into mindless raging psychopaths. People just wanted a little more depth. Instead, what they got were a collection of featherweight cream puffs with fractured minds in desperate need of a hug or the extreme opposite... soulless lumps. Ellen Ripley and Sarah Conner could eat these prima donnas for breakfast.

A few contemporaries like Diesel, Statham, Butler and “The Rock” Johnson have come close but, with the exception of 300, their movies never quite seem to reach that same level of quality. Besides, comic book movies shouldn’t count because, while the film and the actor may be modern, the hero is not. Does Christian Bale deliver as Batman? Absolutely. Is Batman a new idea? Nope.

The inability to recreate these archetypal heroes was further proven when studios started bringing the iconic characters of the early eighties back… using the original actors. They were old but still undefeated. Rambo, Rocky, Die Hard and Indiana Jones each made a comeback to the silver screen. While the actual movies may not have been the best in their respective series (Some just plain sucked.), the characters themselves still maintained a certain presence. They commanded a level of respect severely lacking in today’s counterparts.

“People just don’t want that kind of simple brute saving the day anymore.” says the emo-worshipping twit. I beg to differ.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (Which I enjoyed) was a very well put together film. Under the watchful eye of Edgar Wright, it was the perfect combination of action, comedy and heart. Throw in a little popular nostalgia and you’ve got one hell of a fun movie. So why didn’t it do so well at the box-office? Someone else took the cake. Not only did they take the cake, they shoved a grenade up its ass and pulled the pin.

The Expendables.

Sylvester Stallone is a veteran of the formula. He knew what people needed was a brief throwback to real time action with actual explosions mixed in with old school stunts and wireless fights. The plot was uncomplicated and served only to push the action forward. It was a refreshing idea that relied on classical action movie techniques. Computer generated elements were kept to a minimum. Unlike many contemporary films that require a crap-load of CG and an overdose of hyper-kinetic editing to make their heroes seem credible, this movie felt raw and bulls**t free. It presented a group of towering behemoths getting the job done. It was a welcome change from all the puny little wonderboys passing for saviors these days.

Sometimes you want to be intellectually challenged. Sometimes you want to dive deep into your own emotions. Sometimes you just want to see some s**t blow up. But even then...  you want it done right. When push comes to shove and the world is in peril, we don’t want some damaged idiot with daddy issues to come to the rescue. We want the honorable no-nonsense guy who will shoot first and ask questions later. Unfortunately, the gauntlet has yet to be passed and as long as “Go ahead, make my day.” is replaced with “I can do this as long as I believe in myself.” we’re screwed.

“Yippee ki-yay motherfu**ers!”